Its been a while since I talked to you. It feels bad that I'm the one always starts the conversation but you killed it without saying anything or lengthy word. I thought we could have a good chitchat...
Well should we start with, "Hi Stranger" next time? =)
By the way, personally I thought lot of people have changed... I miss old time of us fooling around and sampat-ing...
Felt so bad about the two exams I had done...its been a week but I still think about them every time I lied down on my bed every night... quite a high possibility to f... Anyway, He will decide the outcome =)
This semester is totally a mess... and the worst so far... and as usual!... getting lazier!
Friday, October 21, 2011
Argh..... I'm still lack of self discipline.... jing mo yuong ar..... I really, really hope to turn myself over a new skin leaf ....
Watching at the calender that the exam is just 2 days ahead, with so much thing to be covered...
the photo up there seems not much la... still got many shits sheet of papers behind me wor!
Arghhhhhh!!! Must remember there is always rainbow after the BIG stormy rain (,_,)
Like the new month, but also hate it at the same time -.- ... means my holiday is no longer far ahead from me and my exam is coming soon! ... and REAL SOON !! I didn't prepare well yet! There's a subject I totally blur2... as usual skipped attended most of the lectures and fall asleep concentrated well in the class!
...
...
...
thinking of it really make me (T,T) lo~~~~~
By the way, I went to a camp - survey camp for 4 days 3 nights. It is 2 hour drive from the city and the area is really isolated... (well, camping area you know lar) that the reception is so poor that you can only make call or sms on high hill.
The high hill? really high you know!!
Comparing the two photo.... really "HIGH" you know!!! very steeeeep! Steep daoooooooooo.......
Ok, enough of exaggerating...
...but really STEEEP LAR !!!
I climbed that two hills up and down like, 10+ times... no kidding, 10+ !!!!! MADNESS!!!!! It just my first day of camp and real darn tired !! My back and legs are sore everyday! Ah, did I mentioned about the weather? EVERYDAY RAIN RAIN RAIN ! The mud! The slippery! The terrain! Really omgosh... and the cold wind chilling wind heavy gust wind!
Holding a walkie talkie for communication under a soaky weather...
Nevertheless... the camp is over and I survived... This time I am not exaggerating it... the tough terrain could take my life anytime! Speaking power of nature... There were so many times that I slipped but luckily managed to hold on something before I non-stop rolling to down the hill... it was my very first experience surveying in the thick bush/forest/jungle/hill *whatever !
And also, I like the sceneries so much... driving along wide open...
Buffalos or cows or moo moos
Vineyard
I'm not the driver~ so snap3 ♥
Other scenic~
Lazy to put other photos at here... go FB check it out ba!
I really love country side so much, so calm and peace... no people mountain people sea... no traffics... fresh air... totally letting go the stress... however when I reached in the city, the hectic life comes back ... sigh*
Can't wait to leave here and my holidays to come (><,) I really miss someoneS so much.
(PS: All the photos took from my hp... kinda bulky and not a good time to take my SLR since I'm actually not having a holiday trip... but some photos come out really nice.... Hidung tinggi-ing! XP~~ )
The title says it all... No wills... no wills at all... I just want to die that's all... I'm sick of all living through these lonely life...
I don't have friends... I felt so lonely... I want to go back my old life so much... my cheerful, social life... Not on this one man island! I don't like here. I don't like getting new friends.
I hate being here... I hate being myself.... I hate my study life... I hate my attitude... I hate what I'm thinking...
I rather go back to study with friends... with old friends...
I'm very depressed. I do not have friends to talk with... everybody has their own life to deal with... I do not have a lot of friends. No one could help me at here as well.
Any words doesn't mean too much for me right now. Praying doesn't help me much either... I'm so fragile...
Honestly I don't read Bible..., and I don't go church at here. I'm do not have spiritualness to overcome these problems...
I just want to rest... my soul is so weak.
I'm such a sore loser on everything.
Seriously damn emo ... 0% outing/social life... been at home and didn't step outside door for a week already since my mid sem break starts.
I really want go siak da,
I really want go qia dui pao,
I really want skype with people,
I really want see familiar faces,
I really want to hear familiar voices,
I missed everything.
Why do I have to suffer through this? I'm not kind of that a man on an island! This lonely feeling is really ripping my heart off. I'm am not what I am at here. I'm like nobody! Don't tell me that I'm lucky that I could study overseas... it was not PLEASURE and I DO NOT want to at all !
I didn't ask for much... I just need a friend that I could talk to or perhaps study together... =(
I really want to go back study... I don't like the culture at all! Especially like there must be a FOUL language in every sentences! Exchange rate also high you know? I don't want to use those hard earned penny by Someone's to enjoy myself ! Uni fee had cost a leg and an arm already!
SIGH*
哦！是咯... 今晚也看到Sarah和剛回來的傻傻，說冷笑話的Eileen！哈哈，還是那樣的可愛！不錯！還有Mei Kiew! 大概有幾年沒看到她了咯~ 對唷！也看到Sharon打扮像office lady 在Methodist 的！唷，女人味！哈哈！但是上班族的女人味.... XP
也如平常那樣... 廢話sampat說到............ late late at night！哈哈～ 但... 也聽了有些壞消息... 老實說，真的搞不懂我們的local大學 or 政府的大學... (aya ignore la, University jiu si ). 真的替我的朋友感覺傷心... 讀到那樣mati... 結果... 咳... 聽了好心寒呀... 也不可多問本人...
This isn't a place like before, ... I feel its so dull and gloomy. Kinda missing you guys and the old times...
Friday, May 27, 2011
Everybody's changing,
And I don't know why.
So little time,
Try to understand that I'm,
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game,
I try to stay awake and remember my name,
But everybody's changing,
And I don't feel the same...
The song lyric reflected me so much right now... And yeap~ everybody's changing...
This post is kinda of 'confession' =)
I'm now sort of ... like wanted to stay away from some of you guys. I feel better for feeling that way, cause maybe I'm jealous =). Honestly, I'm doubting the slogan, BFF or "Best Friends Forever" since long time ago. My feeling towards the word "best friend" just... faded day by day.
Everyday, I'm looking for people to chat... (Fb many oh! ) ... ...
There is like an obstacle between us, and I just don't want or to chat with you... I just keep silent... wait and wait, seeing you go "Offline" after that... I felt like, ...*Sigh
Oddly, we're old friends yet close friends... but, I somehow you're stranger to me already. Not like the old days in secondary school, being so talkative to each other and hanging around with each other.
Kinda headache today, maybe because staying late a night chit chatting with cute friends till at 2.30am! A super duper long chat ... with 400+ comments?!
I don't what so much 废话 lor... I suggest you not to read the whole comments at FB la, because of the some rojak languages, you head gonna dizzy leh.... hihi~ for real ! Tiring and Dizzy! But funny! Using multi-language to comment here comment there... (Imma soproud to know multi-language, nose high high*)
I need to stop here for a while, I feel very sick... gonna take a short nap! *Good evening =)
Time showing 8.16pm
Took an hour nap, had dinner, bath... and feeling better already... still my body feel fatigue and weak...
Still got 35 days before I leave Melbourne and start my first sem break... which would last about a month. I gonna leave here once I finished my exam in the afternoon. Quite hurry eh? ..... my answer is "NO"
You would never know why, until you not having much friends around, eating alone, shopping alone, no supper, no entertainment, travelling alone and your only could socialise with old friends via FB, MSN, or Skype not face no face conversation.
I really wanted to leave here, so, so, so desperately and headed to KL and study. First, money... everything at here is talking about "Money"... 每天ah... 一踏出门... 就"Haihh!" ... Transport fee, food, transport fee, and ...food? Everyday repeating the same thing... You could feel that your wallet is just so thin and flat! 让我告诉你们吧... my montly cost is approximately:
Rent $500
Public Transport $161
Food $100-200 (if daily go outside eat)
= RM2000-2500
(note: AUD1.00 = RM3.00 usually, check currency... BUT, nowadays currency very high... 3.2 !!!! THIS IS BULLSHIT)
And plus, 房价涨，地价涨，油价涨，电价涨，水价涨，粮价涨，肉价涨，蛋价涨，菜价涨，药价涨，这也涨，那也涨，怎一个涨字了得，涨
and if add another 乱七八糟 thing like subscribing internet, water & electric bills, daily product... could sum up to RM2500-3000+...! This is really a huge amount of money, that's why... No supper, no entertainment, nothing!
关于学业嘛... not good neither... no self motivation, skip classes, neglect study, dunno how to do, dunno what its about, dunno dunno and dunno... seeing ahead exam just in 4 weeks time... I am really afraid gonna fail this time... its not like last year, that I felt so confident that time... why?? Only one word.... "咳"...
This time holiday also not so, so excited about it... when go back also can't meet much old friends... as most of them headed to study already... 我看以后都看不到你们了... 机会少的可怜... 这就是所谓的
《人生》？ I thought I might meet some of them when I come back... 满感伤的说... really... 我等酱久只为了要跟你们团团圆，徐徐久... 但我们没缘分... 只好再等几个月吧...
母亲节要到了... 不像怎样怎样... 因为怕眼泪又要流搞搞～ 自己天我尽量避免看Family type of movie or video... 比如说今天，short video 看了就 tie ma.... 没关系，男人哭不是罪 ~ haha!
Haih.... anyway I really wanted to see you lar... why so fast go study not September de?? Make me kinda emo and disappointing... =( ....
That time don't cry oh~ but cry also nvm.... 男人哭不是罪~ haha~ quoted by you oh!
But really, during these weeks I feel so depressed ... day by day... I really want to escape already... so tired and annoyed... everyday =(
Not even an ice cream or chocolate could cheer me up...
Nothing is sweeter and warmer than own home! I'm so dying to go back and lie on my own bed, access free unlimited internet, eat everything I like, koyang kaki at home, hanging out, driving and bla bla bla... and too having precious time with these campers as always~ and Home is beautiful as always~
2.Meet Old Friends
No man lives on an island! I need companion! I need socialise! I need outing! I need someone to talk one! I need crazy! T,T Really darn missed the old days... no doubt missing you guys already... Pics? No need show lah~ go see my pictures at Facebook album enough lou~ but still want to show some XD
Check out who changed !! between 2010 and 2011~
3. Photography
Rachel!! Daniel!! Next time can we have a one day photography day together or organise something?? I really want to snap snap photos la.... Sometimes I really hate and very frustrated didn't bring my BULKY camera when I missed out of a scenery like today! The weather today was totally a perfect day for photography! With haze filled in the city, golden-ish sunlight, dawn scene, colourful sky with 4-5 distinguish colours, really CANTIK and ARTISTIC 到爆~~~~~~~~ too bad no even a picture taken... camera phone? Not really nice, ... you know why lo~~~ Every times I see lots of good photos, I really got a strong enthusiasm trying to snap a photo as good as them! Sometimes I always miss out Wedding photos, natures, wild animals, landscapes, portraits, events, night photos, macros... Especially photos from National Geographic... Always make me，
Sem 1 break started yesterday! ...But doesn't looking forward to my 1 week holiday...
1. Need start to get self studied.
2. Assignment due after holiday.
3. Homework
4. Online homework (Wth)
5. ...Probably fail to do all of above T,T
Technically speaking, I got like like 12days+ holidays...if I skip Thursday and Friday class next week... ehehe!
Aii.... Saya juga mahu balik kampung... tengok kawan-kawan yang kusayangi... pet yang cute cute belaka... tengok keadaan nephew yang kena ChickenPox (quite severe)... makan makanan yang ku-obsessed... juga ada peluang menambah my berat badan sehingga 90kg (currently 85kg gua?)
Juga mahu celebrate kawan yang selamat jadi ke-20 pada hari Sabtu ini... lama ku x dengar suaranya... .... mungkin telephone dia esok, despite use all my $$$ credit dalam handphone ku... what to do? Saya rindu him so much already lah.... hahahaha
Celaka li... my perut calling for food ... amboinyer kalau sekarang ambik keretaku pergi Hiek Lik Cafe dan menikmati "KAMPUA"
Kalian tahu apakah perasaan saya sekarang? Macam ini loh....
And Happy Easter to all~ I wanted to thank Him so much for answering my prayers! But I don't know how to thank You =\ and I'm truly sorry that I couldn't do much for You too=\ =\ =S
Just random thoughts. Don't care about it too much. I just need a good rest... back there...
保重
Thursday, April 14, 2011
As the time pass, I felt Facebook is giving me more and more depression... I don't know. Just felt somehow like that - uneasy, unpleasant, many fakers, naive, spams, lots of narcissists, philosophers (as if), ignore...[Rachel, 2011]
I feel the 'old' time is better, far ... far better than the present.
Internet, you stole my time.
Internet, you stole my life.
Internet, you create a lot of toooot*
Internet, you bla bla bla...
Disagree? Well, think cook cook then...
By the way, you did actually thought a lot when you are alone.
Ok, I might be depressed right now. (Well, I'm)
Another thing... my grammar is greatly degraded. Just like 股票～跌倒哭哭哭（谷谷谷）～
If you ask me to write an essay, I could barely elaborate it.
Out of topic! Hmm, what's my topic?
No point! Dunno ar...
I think I'm sot ... really lack of sleep these days. I don't know... just don't wanna sleep. Lazy go to school, head for lecture classes too! Just like this week... didn't went for Monday, and Thursday lecture class already. Its so hard to get out from the warm bed! And consequently, I couldn't catch up my study. Well... even though I went for the class, also tia bo ...then zzZzzzzZ.... I know you guys also did it too issit??~ hahah!
Talk a lot, but what what? Random post nia... talk song... comment song song... express my thought song song song...
You, I hate your attitude.
You, I hate your narcissistic.
You, I hate your 'duck' face. (Dunno what's that? GOOGLE it )
You, I hate your ...
You, I hate your ...
Ya,... I talk song only... I complain song only... so what?
I dunno why I wrote all these... I'm just write down everything flashing in my head spontaneously.
Nevertheless... its Friday! I really, need 加油 and start self study by now...I'm falling far, far behind on everyone else. Sometimes, 封闭self not a bad thing too... I want become "a frog under a shell".
At least I don't know the world at outside, your condition, your life or everything. The world is dirty enough... Sorry for saying these, it is so easy to 胡思乱想 ... The hypothesis is accepted.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfareb and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. 14I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile." [Jeremiah 29:11]
After I read them, I feel soothed... but just for temporarily... I'm lack of determination and inspiration as well as faith... =(
*Can ignore this entries because it just 废话 and just simple simple elaborate things in my mind
Today, I think I just had my first nightmare... I don't know it was my first or not, because this one... seriously beats my heart out and forced me to wake up! Ruining my beauty sleep! (*As if...)
It was about a car accident. Couldn't think much of the details... you know la... dream ma! Starts, ends anywhere, anytime! I woke up when the car starting to fall... Yoo~ the concept like...
Ok back to topic... All I knew we are having our holiday together, in a car travelling to 'dunno-where-destination' on a high sea level road... Yap, "We"~ means there are other victims that I knew in my dream LoL...!
*Not gonna mention who and who... I knew who're the victims haha~ including the driver! I'm a passenger~
Story is quite short actually~ nothing to elaborate, then skip to the intense part ba!
~~~~~~~CIU~~~~~~~~
The road we travelled is so narrow like the road to Genting Highlands~ then someone began to 'feel' playful... cincai kacau sana sini... then others get addicted too... you know la... some friends really gila gila one... might know who who liao hoh?? you know I know laaaaaaa~~~ wahahaha~ Ok, happy time is short... I mean R E A L short... Due to the strong virus... our driver... only me know who is him XP... and therefore he get addicted too!
Our driver also want to show his 'playfulness'... he accelerated the car at full speed when taking at sharp corners! His purpose just wanted to scare scare us niaa... but 乐成了灾... the car lose control and *Wham!
Car flies flies like in cartoon~ the car kept pusing and pusing... At this point! I hope it was a dream at that time! (Which it is ...lol) ... but it feels like reality! I hold on the car headrest just in case not to fall out from the vehicle something!
But after that, I opened my eyes... I stared at the ceiling... shocked, and had a flashback. My hearts pumping rapidly and fiercely... I could feel it... All I remember is we had a car accident, but with close friends inside... it really haunts me... because I was afraid! I know it was just a dream, but it was so real!! 真的很怕有一天你不在了!... 要好好的活Ok ??
Yeerr....! Thanks for the courage guys~ A short replies to ...
Rachel, afraid your small shoulder crushed by me... X)
Emy, so you will ignore me if I didn't type out your name?? Got 2-4 la... so hard to get a good circle of friends only... =)
Doreen, 某某人就是某某人～ *Don't piak me! Thanks for 想我 @><@
Danny, I really surprised you still 飘~~~~~ around here! Actually quite happy and relief seeing you here haha! Btw~ don't wanna worry or bother you too much leh! Study smart and remember to relax 一下哦 ... you can do it!
Well, approximately still need to survive for another two months at here! Tension is building up slowly because the assignments are still left untouched at the corner of the wall, left out important lecture classes (but still fall "ZZzzzzZ" even attend for it...) and.... er... err....errr... oh ya! Maths! Sometimes really headache when talking about Maths because...
many new new formulas ah! and long long of writing! also think hard hard when doing application thingy!
*OH my gosh~~
Emm, dunno what to talk about liao lo...
...
...
...
...
...
... "Oh"~
I've been browsing photos from 2009 to 2011 ! Hmm, currently I'm still browsing through them ... because too much photo snapping by me~ hahaha~ including self potrait of course la... Mai feel guai guai de ar... you no meh??? Don't lie me lar!!
...and yap~ of course deleting lots of crappy photos(blurred, no topics, weird angle and lots of rubbish)~ I actually laugh at myself after looking all of these photos! *Ironically~
But yeah... many many memories... from sweet to bitter... how from sweet to bitter ah? Like this lo~
Yea, bitter... seeing my 'oink-oink-look-alike' hamster... I missed them so much...
Sweet~ when remembering with few old friends putting up my puzzle of Stitch together~
"You guys" still remembered this yeah? That time Daniel is so obsessed with to finish it ! Haha! Every time no place 'sok geh' always come my house having fun~ by the way, it a photo from 2009 ... miss the old days of course!
And these.... are somehow sour one ba...
These were on the day I was having my 'last' breakfast with them in 2009 before I leave Sarikei in the morning for further study... I still remember I left in a hurry without saying goodbye to them as I received a call from Mom that time, telling me need to get home asap to prepare and leave =(
Thanks Ah Rong too~ for ruining his on-the-way to breakfast with his family, by hopping in my car just to accompany me hahaha~ And thanks Leo for making me cried when he called me... He asked, "Oii, where are you?". I couldn't reply because I cried when hearing my friend's voices. I just hanged up and sms-ed him that I was preparing my stuffs. I didn't know he did heard of me crying or not at that time hehehe~ My heart is just so heart-breaking at that time... Just keep on crying, crying and crying... its so hard to leave everything behind - Family, friends, surrounding, my home, pets for the first time...
Can't talk much liao arr... haih, when looking at the old photos~ everybody changes! Physically, mentally, or whatever-ly ~ just so missing the old times jiu si lo!
But I still want continue to talk arr.... very 38 le??? Because still so many photos to share and talk about =\
Anyway~ goodnight lor~ and dedicate this song to all my friends ~ he's a good singer and got an amazing voice!
